An Open Letter to the Mom to Be: Everything is going to be alright

So, you just saw that plus sign and you have a mixed bag of emotions.  You go from happy and excited one minute to a full on panic attack the next.  I get it.  The H and I tried to get pregnant for 6 months before we were able to finally see that "Pregnant" sign on our test.  There were many tears following the "Not Pregnant" sign.  However, when I did finally get pregnant, the reality set-in.  How the hell do I do this?  I'm too selfish.  I'm too poor.  I'm not good enough to make someone else good.  In my mind, I always thought by the time I became a mom I need to get my shit together.  I need to learn to be more selfless.  I didn't.  I still catch myself being selfish.  I have thoughts that I never want to voice, but I will for you.  Do I have to drive all the way out there to visit?  Do I have to wake up an hour earlier to go to an early meeting because it's more convenient for {insert name here}?  I can be selfish.  I really wanted to kick that before a brought another person in the world, so I could teach him or her to be selfless.  But here's the thing....

You don't have to be perfect.  That baby will love you and change you in ways you never thought imaginable.  You'll learn to be selfless because you have no choice.  Yes, in your head you might think, "Ugh, no.  I do not want to be awake at 2am on a workday because you're coughing." (That was me two days ago).  But, you do it.  Isn't that selfless?  You don't want to be awake at 2am, but you do it because someone needs you to be awake.

Another thing, upon conception, you are needed.  You will never again feel that you don't matter because you do.  Your baby needs you and relies on you, and that will make you a better person because you need to be.  When you're pregnant, you are needed to take care of yourself and your baby.  You need to nourish him or her.  You need to exercise to strengthen your baby's heart (some studies have even determined that exercising during pregnancy can increase your child's IQ).  When you're baby is born, he/she will need you for the obvious things - food, care, love - but he/she will need you to teach him or her to be a good person, have good values, and to be responsible and respectful.  You're needed to be a good role model, and you will learn to be.

Last thing, you will never be more loved.  You are the world to your baby to be.  You will never be more loved and you will never love more than you will now.

Everything will work out the way it needs to.

You will adapt.

You will figure out your shortcomings and fix them.

Everything will be alright.

What I listened to while writing:

Glycerine by Bush

Big Eyed Fish by Dave Matthews Band

Animal by Neon Trees