At the risk of being stoned to death for my opinion, I'm just going to say it: I didn't enjoy pregnancy.
I was not a, "Ohhh, I love feeling the miracle growing inside of me!" kinda girl. I was a, "There's an alien trying to claw itself out of me," kinda girl. Don't get me wrong. I did feel happy I was pregnant. It took 6 pregnancy tests and countless tears to get a little life growing in my belly. And, I did feel giddy when I'd feel him moving around (when it was new).
The thing was....
I am a control freak! I didn't like that I had no control over my body. My body would do things that I didn't even know it was
[caption id="attachment_176" align="alignright" width="225"] 20 weeks pregnant with Jax[/caption]
going to do. Jax had taken the reigns on it. My body kept growing and I had no control over that, as much as I exercised and watched my diet, he was swimming in a lot of water. I didn't like that he'd kick me when I was just about to fall asleep, which was a feat in itself with pregnancy induced insomnia, and I'd wake back up. And, you might be thinking, I just had a hard time wrapping my mind around my changing body, but that wasn't it. I actually thought I was a damn sexy pregnant woman. I have never had an issue with body confidence. I would rock that belly like I was rocking an awesome accessory. I just didn't enjoy sharing my body with someone else.
So, I'm selfish?
No, I didn't enjoy sharing my body with someone else. But, does that make me a bad mom? No. I love Jax all the way around the world and back again. I'd give him anything. And, I would share my body again to love someone else all the way around the world and back.
So, despite my love for independence (body and all), I will share my body again. I will have another little alien sprout inside me.
I think it's a taboo topic to admit that you didn't enjoy being pregnant, but I don't need to love being pregnant. I just need to love my little person. And that is how I feel, guilt free. I is who I is.