Pregnancy: I didn't like it.

At the risk of being stoned to death for my opinion, I'm just going to say it:  I didn't enjoy pregnancy.

I was not a, "Ohhh, I love feeling the miracle growing inside of me!" kinda girl.  I was a, "There's an alien trying to claw itself out of me," kinda girl.  Don't get me wrong.  I did feel happy I was pregnant.  It took 6 pregnancy tests and countless tears to get a little life growing in my belly.  And, I did feel giddy when I'd feel him moving around (when it was new).

The thing was....

I am a control freak!  I didn't like that I had no control over my body.  My body would do things that I didn't even know it was

[caption id="attachment_176" align="alignright" width="225"] 20 weeks pregnant with Jax[/caption]

going to do.  Jax had taken the reigns on it.  My body kept growing and I had no control over that, as much as I exercised and watched my diet, he was swimming in a lot of water.  I didn't like that he'd kick me when I was just about to fall asleep, which was a feat in itself with pregnancy induced insomnia, and I'd wake back up.  And, you might be thinking, I just had a hard time wrapping my mind around my changing body, but that wasn't it.  I actually thought I was a damn sexy pregnant woman.  I have never had an issue with body confidence.  I would rock that belly like I was rocking an awesome accessory.  I just didn't enjoy sharing my body with someone else.

So, I'm selfish?

No, I didn't enjoy sharing my body with someone else.  But, does that make me a bad mom?  No.  I love Jax all the way around the world and back again.  I'd give him anything.  And, I would share my body again to love someone else all the way around the world and back.

So, despite my love for independence (body and all), I will share my body again.  I will have another little alien sprout inside me.

I think it's a taboo topic to admit that you didn't enjoy being pregnant, but I don't need to love being pregnant.  I just need to love my little person.  And that is how I feel, guilt free.  I is who I is.