Thursday, January 22, 2015

Pregnancy: I didn't like it.

Family PhotoAt the risk of being stoned to death for my opinion, I'm just going to say it:  I didn't enjoy pregnancy.

I was not a, "Ohhh, I love feeling the miracle growing inside of me!" kinda girl.  I was a, "There's an alien trying to claw itself out of me," kinda girl.  Don't get me wrong.  I did feel happy I was pregnant.  It took 6 pregnancy tests and countless tears to get a little life growing in my belly.  And, I did feel giddy when I'd feel him moving around (when it was new).

The thing was....

I am a control freak!  I didn't like that I had no control over my body.  My body would do things that I didn't even know it was

[caption id="attachment_176" align="alignright" width="225"]20 weeks pregnant! 20 weeks pregnant with Jax[/caption]

going to do.  Jax had taken the reigns on it.  My body kept growing and I had no control over that, as much as I exercised and watched my diet, he was swimming in a lot of water.  I didn't like that he'd kick me when I was just about to fall asleep, which was a feat in itself with pregnancy induced insomnia, and I'd wake back up.  And, you might be thinking, I just had a hard time wrapping my mind around my changing body, but that wasn't it.  I actually thought I was a damn sexy pregnant woman.  I have never had an issue with body confidence.  I would rock that belly like I was rocking an awesome accessory.  I just didn't enjoy sharing my body with someone else.

So, I'm selfish?

No, I didn't enjoy sharing my body with someone else.  But, does that make me a bad mom?  No.  I love Jax all the way around the world and back again.  I'd give him anything.  And, I would share my body again to love someone else all the way around the world and back.

So, despite my love for independence (body and all), I will share my body again.  I will have another little alien sprout inside me.

I think it's a taboo topic to admit that you didn't enjoy being pregnant, but I don't need to love being pregnant.  I just need to love my little person.  And that is how I feel, guilt free.  I is who I is.

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2 comments:

Paging Mrs Zen said...

I think your honesty is awesome. I've never been pregnant (trying though) but I can imagine that so many changes going on could feel quite 'alien'. And you're absolutely right, as long as you love the little person, your dislike of being pregnant shouldn't matter. Thanks for sharing a really cool post.

Sarah Noel said...

Thank you! Pregnancy is definitely a mixed bag of feelings. It's awesome and totally weird at the same time. Good luck with your trying!

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