I am woman, hear me roar (please read in a sarcastic tone).
With motherhood comes a lot of other things. Once you birth a child, your title doesn't just change. You don't just get promoted from wife to wife and mother or single to mother - however your story went - , you are a different person. After I had J, I felt incredibly powerful. I grew a human. I pushed and pushed and was an effin warrior and gave birth to a PERSON. With that came a rush of confidence. I made a person and I did it like a champion. I can do anything.
I was having a conversation this weekend about confidence, and it made me think about my viewpoint of myself since becoming a mother. All of the things that I never thought I could do, I do. For years I told my husband, I am way too selfish to have a baby. I did things I didn't want to do for other people, but, in all honesty, I did it out of obligation, not because I wanted to. To me, this felt very selfish. I didn't want to do anything for anyone, but I did it anyway. I told my husband this one night, and he said, to him, that sounded even more selfless. I didn't know how much I subscribed to his idea of my mind state at the time, but I did appreciate the fact that others might not take my mind state as a selfish one.
My point is, since having J, I do things all the time that I don't want to do, but I don't mind doing them because I see how happy it makes J. I don't feel like reading the same book over and over and over, but I really kind of love it because J loves it. Pre-motherhood, I was much harder on myself about my selfishness, but now, I realize that I am not nearly as selfish as I thought I was. I feel more confident in who I am and I realize I have the power to change the things I don't like about myself and I have the confidence to accept what I can't change. I own this person that I am.
Having a child makes you realize you aren't breakable. You can withstand more than you ever thought you could and you come out the other side Even. More. Awesome.
What I listened to while writing:
King by OAR